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Sunday, May 26, 2024

There is a loot box under the Christmas tree.

BeautyThere is a loot box under the Christmas tree.

You will never wear a loot box under a Christmas tree.

Eyewitness reports confirmed this morning that a festive, paper-clad loot box under the Christmas tree was found to contain an ugly cosmetic completely unsuitable for public use. I finally found a use for those extra Macy's rewards points and I wanted to give you something that I knew you would wear. It will go so nicely with those Doc Marvins that I think you should wear something more professional. I can help you pick out a new outfit if we go to the mall soon.

Your sister was the one who said, "Jeez dude" as they watched you unwrap and display the brownish-green item for everyone to see. I wouldn't want to be caught in the middle of someone else's photos in that and your own family's. Mom is correct that you need to stop dressing like a 2000s punk that feels responsible for Hot Topic's financial wellbeing.

A friend said that the new item looks worse than the cosmetics Santa gave out last Christmas. I am sorry that you have to wear that. If you are willing to put in the time, you might be able to get a better season pass next year by calling your mom during peak weekend hours.

Your father, who remained quiet during the whole experience, was observed sitting through the awkward exchange last year.

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